Short Sarcastic Funny Quotes “Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.” Mark Twain “I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.” Robin Williams “I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.” Bertrand Russell “Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!”

“No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.” Abraham Lincoln “Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening.” Alexander Woollcott “I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.” Billy Connolly