1.) There is still no cure for the common birthday. John Glenn 2.) Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes. Unknown 3.) Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine! Kate Summers 4.) Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the mo...

For women: mom, sister, aunt, friend, etc.

1.) Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years. Oscar Wilde 2.) I’ve reached the age where my brain went from ‘You probably shouldn’t say that’ to ‘What the h—, let’s see what happens.’ Unknown 3.) If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law. Edgar Howe 4.) Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home. P...

For men: dad, brother, uncle, friend, etc.

6.) Men peak at age nineteen and go downhill. Garrison Keillor 7.) I was looking in the mirror the other day and I realized I haven’t changed much since I was in my twenties. The only difference is I look a whole lot older now. George Carlin 8.) I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know? Barry Cryer 9.) All men are the same age. Dorothy Parker 10.) People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit. G...

Turning 30 years old birthday

1.) After 30, a body has a mind of its own. Bette Midler 2.) You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. Woody Allen 3.) Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. Caryn Leschen 4.) I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed. Unknown

Turning 40 years old birthday

5.) Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once. Dave Barry 6.) Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed. Charles Schulz 7.) She said she was approaching forty and I couldn’t help but wonder from which direction. Bob Hope 8.) At twenty years of age the will reigns; at thirty, the wit; and at forty, the judgment. Benjamin Fran...

Turning 50 years old birthday